Peter drops his head to hide the way he's blushing, but he knows it's too late. He spoons some vegetables into his mouth to try and distract himself from the rush he feels. He knows Nadia's eyes are on him and deep down he knows that she knows what's going on. Then Jason makes such a good case for living in a whole separate place -- it's not until Peter's without him that he realizes that Jason's carefully-constructed reasoning doesn't make any real-world sense. Under Nadia's watchful eyes (that match Jason's perfectly), Peter feels like he wants to explode outward and call an elephant-sized spade a spade. But no, they're touching, and Peter's mouth has made the call to stay silent and ignore the wild, frantic screaming coming from his heart. When Jason's hand covers Peters, hot and grateful and sweet, he can't even hear it over the beat of his racing heart.
Ashamed as he'd be to admit it, he's drifting in and out of their conversation, even as they weave their way through the summer's events. He comes too to offer support to Nadia, a quip for Jason, but more of his consciousness is sliding down to their hands. Whether he realizes it or not, Jason is holding his hand in the cafeteria. He knows no one can see it, but to him, this moment is precious and fragile and he's afraid that movement will shatter it; so he stays very still as he speaks.
"I told my mom I would look into the Young Republicans. I guess we're all liars," he says with a little laugh. Every lie shaves off a little more confidence in Peter's mortal soul; when he laughs, it's very forced.
"What has Catholic school done to us?" Nadia demands, and this time when Peter laughs, it's not fake at all.
By the time the laughter subsides, Peter's lost in the hard, warm shape of his boyfriend against him. They're making eye contact as Peter tries to read this new information in the tempestuous darkness of Jason's blue eyes. Either Jason is shutting Peter down, or whatever motivated this new development is foreign even to Jason. Touch wins out over getting answers again, so Peter breaks the eye contact before the need to kiss Jason makes him do something to demolish their all-important private world together.
"I'm glad you've decided to take it easy." And yet, Peter wonders if it's a coincidence that Jason's given up the activity that practices at the same time that theatre rehearsals take place. He's not sure he could take being shut down, so he lets the thought find its way down to that place where the secrets and questions do their haunting, dizzy dance.
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Ashamed as he'd be to admit it, he's drifting in and out of their conversation, even as they weave their way through the summer's events. He comes too to offer support to Nadia, a quip for Jason, but more of his consciousness is sliding down to their hands. Whether he realizes it or not, Jason is holding his hand in the cafeteria. He knows no one can see it, but to him, this moment is precious and fragile and he's afraid that movement will shatter it; so he stays very still as he speaks.
"I told my mom I would look into the Young Republicans. I guess we're all liars," he says with a little laugh. Every lie shaves off a little more confidence in Peter's mortal soul; when he laughs, it's very forced.
"What has Catholic school done to us?" Nadia demands, and this time when Peter laughs, it's not fake at all.
By the time the laughter subsides, Peter's lost in the hard, warm shape of his boyfriend against him. They're making eye contact as Peter tries to read this new information in the tempestuous darkness of Jason's blue eyes. Either Jason is shutting Peter down, or whatever motivated this new development is foreign even to Jason. Touch wins out over getting answers again, so Peter breaks the eye contact before the need to kiss Jason makes him do something to demolish their all-important private world together.
"I'm glad you've decided to take it easy." And yet, Peter wonders if it's a coincidence that Jason's given up the activity that practices at the same time that theatre rehearsals take place. He's not sure he could take being shut down, so he lets the thought find its way down to that place where the secrets and questions do their haunting, dizzy dance.