Questions like 'why is this happening,' keep leaping out of his consciousness, but he keeps stuffing that all back down in favor of this dangerously perfect moment; until Jason is leaning in to him. God, he wants to kiss Jason so badly that he can clearly see it in his mind's eye: Nadia stopping dead in her tracks, Jason melting into him. He can feel the tense silence that would clearly accompany this incredibly bold move. The consequences would stack up quickly: they'd be ostracized, expelled, disowned, and completely alone. There's no way Jason would ever look at him again if he caused that sort of a spiral. Peter would never forgive himself -- Peter already can't forgive himself for living a lie.
That darkness creeps up so fast that Peter breaks eye contact, nearly unable to catch his breath for a moment. Recovery comes quickly, but he can still feel the panic tightening around his hammering heart. Too close. Not close enough. He'd almost choked on these divergent feelings.
"I'm gonna go get a drink," he says quickly. He's light-headed, a little, and thankful he'd forgotten to get water before he sat down. He needs to get away. He wants to be closer. This is killing him already.
"Do you guys want anything?" His hand drops from Jason's as he stands. Fuck, his brain replies, and he's being pulled in by the tide so quickly that he doesn't even have the time to feel guilty about it.
"Something diet," Nadia supplies. There's a note of darkness that isn't just from her newest blow to her self-worth. With all of his remaining might, he shoves down the knowledge that Nadia knows something is up and probably even knows what it is.
no subject
That darkness creeps up so fast that Peter breaks eye contact, nearly unable to catch his breath for a moment. Recovery comes quickly, but he can still feel the panic tightening around his hammering heart. Too close. Not close enough. He'd almost choked on these divergent feelings.
"I'm gonna go get a drink," he says quickly. He's light-headed, a little, and thankful he'd forgotten to get water before he sat down. He needs to get away. He wants to be closer. This is killing him already.
"Do you guys want anything?" His hand drops from Jason's as he stands. Fuck, his brain replies, and he's being pulled in by the tide so quickly that he doesn't even have the time to feel guilty about it.
"Something diet," Nadia supplies. There's a note of darkness that isn't just from her newest blow to her self-worth. With all of his remaining might, he shoves down the knowledge that Nadia knows something is up and probably even knows what it is.